Monday, May 21, 2007


Dandelions covering the grass, birds chirping in the morning, the Phillies playing mediocre baseball. Sure all these things are signs that summer is officially here, but I got my first real taste of summer today, courtesy of The Funky Freezer. More after the jump.

Mister Softee and Jack and Jill were the ice cream trucks of my childhood. Sure, we had plenty of ice cream in the freezer, but there's just something about buying ice cream related products from a stranger off a truck. Yummy!

But in the 21st century ice cream trucks have to outdo each other. Dare I say, The Funky Freezer outdoes all of them with it's cerulean and neon yellow color scheme.

But in all honesty, how can you resist visiting a ice cream truck called The Funky Freezer? Unfortunately there wasn't much "funky" about it. I at least expected Cameo to be running it.


Word Up! indeed.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

6 Fingers on each hand ... still can't pitch


Despite one of my previous posts, I have still been watching the Phillies. Unfortunately it's just not summer unless I'm sitting in front of the TV listening to Harry Kalas and watching the Phillies blow a lead in the eigth inning. That a guy 12 fingers is blowing the lead just makes it all the better. More polydactyly fun after the jump.

First of all, I am by no means blaming Phillies reliever Antonio Alfonseca for all the Phillies problems this season, there's plenty of blame to go around, and around and around and around. But, Alfonseca does stick out like a sore thumb, er sixth finger. When he comes onto the field, he looks more like my my dad than a major league pitcher. I know basball has had it's fair share of seemingly out-of-shape players, but do you think maybe that beer gut has something to do with his 4.86 ERA?

In the last three games Alfonseca has an ERA over 20.00, and last year his ERA was 5.63. So why is he employed still? I think it's because, year after year, he leads the major's in one very under-reported category.

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Scantron? My favorite Japanese cartoon!


What the hell happened? We were going along at a pretty good pace there. Darn close to that one-post-per-day goal that we had set up. Then WHAM!, nothing for almost two weeks. There's an explanation ... like you care. More after the jump.

Being back at college has it's perks: student loans, zero disposable income, buying $100 textbooks that you don't need. But the best is tests. This being finals week at Penn State, I've been hunkered down studying and writing papers for the past two weeks, and my blog has suffered - sorry pal. Hey, at least my excuse isn't as lame as some people.

But from this point on, we're back in full swing. One more test and this semester's over. What else would I do with myself this summer. Might as well write on a blog no one reads.

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Friday, April 20, 2007

The Presidential Candidates of Comedy

(Image by Digi^3)


Yesterday, John McCain spoke to members of a VFW Hall in Murrells Inlet, South Carolina. Being a veteran and POW, this seems like a good audience for McCain, basically his “base,” so the speech wasn’t surprising. But who knew he was going to break out his stand-up routine. Another candidate who wants to be a comedian. Here's an idea, leave the jokes to comedians ... or racist radio personalities. More after the jump.

According to this story in the Georgetown Times, McCain was asked by a member of the crowd of over 500 people when America is going to “send an air mail message to Tehran,” in reference to the talk of war with Iran. Of course, the proper answer to that question is something like "We're watching the Iran situation closely, blah blah blah." But, McCain, with the comic timing he has gained from years in Congress began his answer with, "That old Beach Boys song, 'Bomb Iran,' Bomb bomb bomb,” sung to the Beach Boys tune “Barbara Ann." Here's the clip.

I'm just waiting for the next comic tour to come to my town. I can see it now, McCain and his song parodies, John Kerry doing his "get stuck in Iraq" routine, Rudy Giuliani bringing back his Italian-American "youze guys" impressions and Joe Biden with his Indians at the 7-11 sketch.

Plus they can use McCain’s tour bus, the “Straight Talk Express” … Comedy genius!

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Monday, April 16, 2007

One last time ... with feeling


Here is the definitive piece on the Don Imus situation. Ok, I'm probably a little biased. Oh, and ignore the picture that goes with the story ... yowza, that's almost as bad as the one that goes with this post. Can you say a face for radio?

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And you thought laptops catching fire was bad?


Toto Ltd., which claims to be "the industry leader of plumbing-related products in Japan" (hey, everyone's got to be #1 at something), has offered free repairs to 180,000 Z Series toilet bidets which they say may catch fire because of wiring problems. Gives new meaning to "hot seat." HA! Get it? Hot Seat ... cause where you sit would be ... oh forget it. More after the jump.

So it seems Japan has some sort of obsession with toilet related technology including toilets with heated seats, water jets, blow dryers, remote control flushing (why?) and music to drown out any unpleasant noises. Here just watch this, it'll give you the idea.
But perhaps all of this technology has come up to bite them in the (ahem) ... as electronic devices in the toilets began to smoke in 26 incidents and actually caught fire in three others. Emi Tanaka, spokesperson for Toto Ltd., said, "Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries. The fire would have been just under your buttocks."

But this just brings up a larger issue of the ever growing world of toilets and toilet accessories. These Z Series toilet bidets cost upwards of $2,600. For that kind of scratch you expect a warm seat, but not that warm.

Maybe more shocking - in November, the who's who of the bathroom world will gather in New Delhi, India for the 2007 World Toilet Summit. No, seriously, there's a website and everything. Anyway, this year's theme (yes, this is a yearly event) is "Toilets for Health, Hygiene, Comfort and Dignity."

Yup. Nothing says dignity like third degree ass burns.

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Philadelphia Philles - losers since 1947


Considering the history the Philadelphia Phillies have had regarding Jackie Robinson and African-American ballplayers in general, I guess it's fitting that today's game, which was to honor the 60th anniversary of Robinson's breaking the color barrier, was rained out. More after the jump.

Today's Philles game against the Houston Astros, like all games across the country, was to commemorate Jackie Robinson of the Brooklyn Dodgers becoming the first African American to play in a Major League Baseball game on April 15, 1947. In addition to some pregame fesitivites, all players from both teams were to wear #42 as a tribute to Robinson. But as with games in Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore and New York, rain cancelled the game. After reading about the treatment the Phillies gave Robinson in 1947, maybe they should have just had a game-long apology session.

Yesterday I read a New York Times column by Stuart Miller, author of The 100 Greatest Days in New York Sports. In it he documented the truth vs. the myth of Robinson's first year in the major leagues, and mentioned the especially harsh treatment Robinson received in Philadelphia.

"The Dodgers played three games against the Philadelphia Phillies, who spewed so much racist vitriol - including aiming bats machine-gun-style at Robinson - that it drove him to the brink of abandoning the "noble experiment" in pacifism for a full-out attack."

Apparently Phillies manager Ben Chapman was the ringleader in this act, which reportedly got him suspended and fined. When the Dodgers came to Philadelphia later in the season, Chapman posed with Robinson for the above picture. But it doesn't sound like he was very contrite.

Well, ok you say, but that's just one incident. Well, guess which team was the last in the National League to integrate. That's right, it was the Phillies. But, hey, it only took them 10 years.

When asked why they never claimed another NL pennant after the 1950 Wiz Kids team, Phillies Center Fielder Richie Ashburn reportedly said, "We were all white." Guess that's why they called him Whitey.

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

He's just unstuck in time


My favorite author (not that I read much), Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday at age 84. Well, they say he died, he's actually probably somewhere in a zoo on Tralfamadore with a porn star. More after the jump.

I was first introduced to Kurt Vonnegut in high school in my freshman honors English class (someone obviously mixed up my transcript with some other kid). I had one of those "cool" teachers. You know, he wore sportscoats with no tie, had crazy hair, and let us call him Chuck. One of our first readings was Slaughterhouse-Five, a scary title for a 13-year-old, and pretty shocking for an all-boys Catholic high school (that probably explains a lot about me). But after being introduced to Billy Pilgrim and his travels through time and space I was hooked.

I'm not a big fan of science-fiction, I still haven't seen Star Wars for god's sake, but I just couldn't get enough of Vonnegut's writing. It's probably a little blasphemous to even talk about Vonnegut and Sci-Fi in the same sentence, but what else to you call novels about time travel, space ships and ice that melts at 114.4 degreed Fahrenheit?

I have to say Vonnegut and his novels helped shaped me and my opinions. Some would say I shouldn't have read them. I would say I always read them.

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Rap Skills 101


Obviously Penn State University is known as a pretty good school academically. And although things have been a little iffy lately, athletics are usually top notch ... ok, maybe not the men's basketball team ... oh yea, and there's that whole women's basketball thing ... and yeah, now a football scandal too. But who knew attending Penn State could actually help your burgeoning rap career. More after the jump.

Next Friday and Saturday (April 20 & 21) marks Blue & White Weekend here at Penn State, which will culminate in the Blue & White game on Saturday afternoon. Thousands of PSU football fans will descend upon the area and plenty of alumni will use this as an excuse to re-live their college glory years (look who's talking, that's essentially my life these days). To help celebrate, The Daily Collegian and Penn State Football are sponsoring The (blue-white) Rapper Show, which will give some student the opportunity to perform their rap "skills" at the first home football game on September 1, next season. I am already embarrassed for them.


Although i'm impressed with their audio/video skills, there's a reason not everyone has a record deal.

The horrific videos can be seen here, and people can vote for their favorites here. The top eight vote-getters will be performing at the HUB next week, and the top four from that group will perform outside Beaver Stadium next Friday after the Blue & White game.

Let the boos and sarcastic cheers begin.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Well, I mean what does "livable" mean anyway ...?




It's always fun to look at those lists that magazines put out: Top 100 albums, The best companies to work for, Top 50 Gays. But it's especially fun to see where your city ends up on lists like the recent World's Most Livable Cities. So, where's your city end up? Here's a hint, if you're in the United States and you're reading this ... go past the top 20 ... actually go past the top 25.

Mercer Human Resource Consulting, which on their website claims to be "the global leader for trusted HR and related financial advice, products, and services" put together this list of the World's Most Livable Cities for executives and their families. And the top American city on the list is Vancouver at #3, that's North America (goddamn Canadians beating us at our own game). If you're looking for a U.S. city, you have to go all the way down to # 27 to find Honolulu, Hawaii.

Of course, Philadelphia is nowhere to be found on the list. Hmmm, I wonder why that is. Could it be this, or this, or this, or this, or this? Yea, it's probably just the Phillies ruining it for everyone again.

By the way, the top city on the list is Zurich, Switzerland. And bringing up the rear on the list as the worst places are Brazzaville, capitol of The Republic of the Congo (#214) and, shockingly, Baghdad (#215).

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Did Imus Eat His Hat?



So, after Don Imus called the Rutgers women's basketball team ... well, see here for yourself ... plenty of people and organizations have jumped on the case and are attempting to get him fired. They're right, he should be fired ... but not because of those comments. More after the jump.

For years, Imus has insisted on wearing a cowboy hat to work every day. Some people have even wondered if it was sewn to his head. It seemed that nothing could get that ridiculous hat off of his head ... well except maybe making some racially insensitive comments about female basketball players. Here's a picture from yesterday's "apology" filled broadcast.

So proof that Imus does in fact have a full head of hair.

But now that Imus has been suspended for his comments, the question is should he be fired. I say go for it, but not necessarily for these comments, or even any previous ones.

No I say fire him because he's unfunny, and a fake cowboy.

While some people have used this to embrace their "nappy heads," I think we should use this to get Imus off of MSNBC and get some actual news coverage on there in the morning. I'm a big fan of MSNBC - I try to make a point to watch Keith Olbermann every night and I have to give "props" to Philly native Chris Matthews, even if I just think of Darrell Hammond's impression on SNL every time I see him. But I have never been able to sit through more than five minutes of Imus and his "comedy" show.

So, as an eternal optimist that I am, let's look at the positives that have come from this horrible situation. Imus has lost his hat. Some actual news on MSNBC in the morning, and maybe the most amazing thing, Fred "Eric" Norris actually still can speak.

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Monday, April 09, 2007

I'm raising the white flag


YOU WIN!

I really can't take it anymore. I've tried and tried, year after year to be a fan of teams that let me down year after year. I think today's Phillies disaster was the last straw. The team to beat indeed.

24 years and no titles. 96 seasons between the Phillies, Flyers, Sixers and Eagles with only heartbreak to show for it. At some point (very early at this rate) the Phillies will lose their 10,000th game. And yet season after season I, like many fans, have gone back only to be kicked in the head again.
A few weeks ago I was excited for the upcoming Phillies season. We had a nice young nucleus, the reining MVP, and although the division looked pretty tough, I was looking forward to being in the post season when October rolled around. I even liked the swagger coming from Jimmy Rollins and some of the other players on the team. Yea, maybe the Philles were the team to beat. Then the started playing.

Right off the bat things didn't look good. They lost the first game of the season when the Braves' Edgar Renteria homered to tie the game in the 8th and then again in the 10th to win it. Two games later the Phillies had been swept by Atlanta, but with two extra-inning losses you thought they could just as easily be 2-1 instead of 0-3. But then the hapless Florida Marlins took two of three and all of a sudden the Phillies that I had so much hope for were 1-5.

When I got home today I flipped on Comcast Sportsnet with the Phils holding a 5-3 lead over the Mets. It looked like Cole Hamels had pitched a great game, Ryan Howard was getting his swing back and maybe this was the turning point for the season I had hoped for. But I was obviously kidding myself because in true Phillies phashion they gave up seven runs in the 8th inning to lose the game 11-5. Once again grasping defeat from the jaws of victory.

So, I'm done. I'm not a fan anymore. Phillies, count me out. I've finally had enough. The relationship is over. Don't even make me get a restraining order. We are through, finished, finito ... unless you start winning. Guess I'd have to erase this entry. Hope no one grabs this screen.

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

I don't wanna cause no fuss ... But can I buy your Tumblebus?

The other day I'm driving along, when a bright yellow thing catches my attention. I look to my left and see a bright yellow school bus in the lane next to me. But, this was no ordinary school bus my friends. No, this was the Tumblebus ... the gym on wheels. More ridiculousness after the jump.

Apparently this is an old school bus that has been retro-fitted to now be used as a gym ... on wheels. As their annoyingly cheery website says, "the TUMBLEBUS provides a unique and fun way for children to receive the physical fitness that is so important to their development," ... on wheels.

So I take it the idea is for parents to rent the bus for parties, or have the bus go to schools and daycares. It reminds me of the time I went to Chris Jensen's birthday party, when I was like 10, at the gymnastics school. Difference here is, this one's ... on wheels.

They also brag that 241 of these buses are driving around the United States, so keep an eye out folks.

I'm not a parent, so who am I to talk, but does this really sound like a good idea to anyone? First of all, lets assume they don't drive the bus as the kids are rolling around in the back, like this. But still, something's just off about this whole thing, am I right? I'm sure the people that run the whole program are great, but my kid ain't getting in no Tumblebus.

If you're interested in purchasing a Tumblebus and have an extra $45,000 lying around I say go for it. Hopefully they're performing background checks.

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Foosball: For the person who has everything


Do you have one of those people in your life that is really difficult to buy for? As the saying goes, usually its the person who has everything. Well, lucky for you there's a company called 20ltd, I will guaruntee ther person in your life doesn't own any of this stuff. Disagree? How about a Good vs. Evil Foosball table complete with Hitler playing midfield, and Santa Claus in goal. Yea, I didn't think so.

So, 20ltd is what is being called a "luxury e-store." They sell extremely limited edition items, usually only about 20 (hense their name). As you can imagine, if things are this limited, the price is going to skyrocket. Example, how about a Copenhagen bicycle with cowhide seat by Biomega, one of only 10 made (it's #3 on the list). How much would you pay? If you said $1,970.83, good for you. I wonder if that includes shipping and handling. All prices are in British pounds, so here's a handy converter.

But without question, the best item on there is the good vs evil foosball table made by The Eleven Forty Company (#20 on the list). Granted, it's going to set you back almost $29,000, but where are you going to get mini figures of Hitler, Lucifer and Idi Amin battling it out with Mother Teresa, Gandhi and God?

You know George W. is getting this one for Easter.

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ritual De Lo Habitual (thats the best Spanish I can do for now)


We've all heard of "Jumping the Shark." It's that moment when something begins to go downhill, and usually really fast. Now, I'm not really ready to say YouTube has donned a leather coat with water skis just yet, but when Newt Gingrich posts an "apology" in English AND Spanish, I think the luster is gone. OMG! Or as Newt (why would you use that name at age 63?) would say, Dios Mio!

First of all, I'm sick of people calling something like this an apology. Whether Newt (what a name) needed to apologize in the first place isn't the point. Here's what he said, you decide.

But I always thought that you had to actually say "I'm sorry" for something to be considered and apology. Although Newt (really how do you get elected to anything using that name) does say that he realizes his comments "caused a bad feeling in the Latino community" he doesn't say I'm sorry. In fact, no where does he even say apology, instead he says he hopes people "accept this message in the manner it's conveyed." Message. Not apology. Message.

But take a look at both videos, here and here. Newt (it's short for Newton btw) must really have a hard time with the Espanol. It looks like they had to stop and restart taping at least three times. So either Newt (but I mean go with Newton then) had a tough time with the cue cards, or he kept laughing after saying he had a "sincere heart."

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Comcast Sportsnet ... why have you forsaken me?


Being a Philadelphia sports fan here in Central Pennsylvania is tough. Although State College is essentially in the middle of the state, most people here associate themselves with Pittsburgh and their teams. By the way, I happen to agree with Sienna Miller on that city. In fact, the Pirates Single A Baseball team, the Spikes, play right on Penn State's campus. And their AA team, the Altoona Curve, is only about 30 minutes away. So when Comcast took over as the cable provider earlier this year, I was thrilled when the rumors of getting Comcast Sportsnet on my cable system. But I turned it on last night to watch the Flyers/Mapleleafs match, and all I saw was a blank screen. Now I'm just confused.

It started out by getting CN8, which is an odd channel in itself. Have you ever looked at the scroll on the bottom of their screen, it gives you the worst information, but I digress. It was nice to see some old favorites, Arthur Fennel and some of the guys from WIP, but what happened to Lou Tilley?
Anyway, a couple of months ago, I turned on what used to be the TV Guide Channel and there, in all it's glory was Comcast SportsNet. I was thrilled to see Michael Barkann and Daily News Live, Leslie Gudel and SportsNite. It was even good to see Dei Lynam and her monotone voice.

But now, with the Philles season here, I'm worried that I'm going to miss almost all of their games. I'm already definitely going to miss the few games that are on Philly 57, but now do I have to worry about the ones on CN8 and SportsNet too?

Hey Barkann! You're on that network like 24 hours a day, do something about this!

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I want my...I want my...I want my American Gladiators


Its funny when you're growing up and you hear your parents make some reference to something from their childhood coming back into style. "Oh, we used to wear jeans like that when I was your age, they're nothing new." I always took it as a bad thing, like a sign of getting older. But with old childhood favorites like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles claiming the top spot at the box office a couple of weeks ago, and more importantly, the new Transformers movie coming out this summer, its apparent, everything from my childhood is popular again. So, where's American Gladiators?

If you're not familiar with it, American Gladiators was perhaps the best show in the history of television. I'm not exaggerating. It was a game show where two men and two women competed against each other and more importantly against the American Gladiators, who had such names as Nitro, Gemini, Lace (my favorite at 11 years old) and Ice.

They would compete in events like Joust, where they would knock each other off tall platforms, and Powerball where they would have to go against three Gladiators and slam colored balls into corresponding bins, without getting their heads taken off by a Gladiator. Think of it as the Real World/Road Rules Challenge without all the annoying people.

One of the amazing things is Ex-NFL players Larry Csonka, Joe Theismann and Todd Christensen were hosts on the show. Thank God various incarnations of ESPN have saved former NFLers from that fate these days.

Well, it's back. Ok, no new episodes, but the reruns are now being shown on ESPN Classic. Not that I get that channel, so it does me no good. Even if you were never a fan of the gladiators, it's got to be better than the Classic Car Auction.

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Electric Six...it beats a hat trick


In honor of some other people's random music video posting, here's mine for the day. Not only is this a great song, but it has a great message to kids ... danger danger, high voltage. It's no stop drop and roll, but hey, what is really.

The band is Electric Six, which is a great band out of Detroit. And by great I mean they have glowing bras and glowing codpieces in their video. As a little bit of trivia, the backgroud singer (the woman in the video) in "Danger! High Voltage" is actually Jack White of The White Stripes and The Raconteurs.

If you're an elite like Marty and myself, you have no doubt heard their other classic, "Gay Bar." What's better than Abraham Lincoln in a bathtub proclaiming his urge to take you to a gay bar? Well, how about six Abraham Lincolns pole dancing?




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Monday, April 02, 2007

Tonight, we workout in Hell.


With summer right around the corner, it's time to start worrying how you're going to look at the beach without the help of layers of clothing to cover that fat. So, while some people choose to stay in shape with the help of the Nintendo Wii, I'm going to take a better approach I think - the 300 Workout.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see 300, which by the way is perhaps the greatest movie of all time. Casablanca? Garbage compared to 300. Citizen Kane? I don't remember Orson Wells killing tens of thousands of people in that movie.

Anyway, one of the startling things about the movie is how ripped the Spartans are. And it's good to see that there's finally a workout that can help me get the rippling abs and and biceps of King Leonidas. The 300 Workout.

Gerard Butler apparently trained for 12 weeks to get into that shape...so with the shape I'm already in, it should only take about 5 years.


In reality, Butler and some other people in the film worked out for 90 minutes to 2 hours a day, for 5 days a week. Who has that kind of time? Plus, WebMD is saying it's might be a little dangerous. Here's what William J. Kraemer, PhD says: "The out-of-shape person who starts [the 300 graduation test] is going to be dead the first day. No one could do this without prior training. You have to progress."


Guess I will have to buy a Wii I guess.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Karl Rove get The Gas Face



So last night in Washington, they held the Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner where apparently the administration feels the need to make fools of themselves. Well, intentionally make fools of themselves, as opposed to the normal day-to-day tomfoolery. This is of course, not to be confused with the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner where Stephen Colbert roasted Bush last year. The whole thing begs the question, don't these people know this is being taped?

Someone apparently thought it would be good to bring the "stars" of ABC's "hit show" Who's Line is it Anyway to the dinner to wow the crowd. They brought various movers and shakers from the political and journalistic world onto the stage, no doubt to allow them to humiliate themselves. One of the lucky ones was Karl Rove, who will no doubt be a contestant on the next season of VH1's "The White Rapper Show."

According to the Washington Post's Mary Ann Akers, when asked by the improvers about what he does in his spare time, Rove answered, "Tear the tops off of small animals." Wow, wonder if that's in his eHarmony profile?

Also, check out the JibJab "What We Call News" video that they showed. It's just about spot on.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A-ha hush that fuss, "Everybody move to the back of the bus!"


I'm not sure where Penn State's University Park campus rates in terms of campus size, but with over 42,000 students, it's certainly the largest campus I've ever been on. As someone who lives a little off campus, I'm one of the unfortunate people who has to park in the "commuter lot," out by the stadium, and take one of the free "Loops" onto campus. So, I probably ride the bus 3-4 times a day Monday thru Friday, which makes me privy to some interesting bus riding habits of people.

One of the first, and most obvious things I have observed is the laziness of most of the people who ride the bus. For me, a walk from the commuter lot to my first class is about a 20-30 minute ride. While there's no doubt I could use the exercise, I'm not going to walk that far, especially during the winter. But, one of the stops the Loop makes after picking me up is East Halls, home to most of the Freshmen on campus. Here the bus swells to standing room only conditions, as people squeeze in like sardines. The thing that bothers me most about this is about 90% of the people who get on the bus at East Halls end up getting off at the next stop, which would be about a five minute walk - obviously this is a large contributor to that Freshman 15 you always hear about.

Another thing that I have picked up on is the way people decide where to, and where not to sit. A lot of times, when you get on the bus, where to sit isn't even an option as you grab the nearest hand rail and just hold on. But there have been numerous time that I have been sitting in a seat with the one next to me wide open, and I have seen people choose to stand instead of sitting next to me. Now, I'm certainly not going to be mistaken for a model any time soon, but what's the deal with that? Do I smell that bad? I mean I have a girlfriend, so I can't be that disgusting.

But in the instance that you do have someone sitting next to you, what's the proper etiquitte to determine when to leave that seat. For example, yesterday I was sitting next to a girl when I first got on the crowded Blue Loop. After a couple of stops the majority of people had left the bus, leaving a number of open seats, but is it ok to then get up and move? Doesn't this insult the person you were just sitting next to? "Excuse me, I know I was just sitting next to you, but that's only because my legs wouldn't allow me to stand. Now, I'm getting away from you, psycho."

But besides the loud cell phone conversations, smacking of gum in my ear, body odor and cramping, riding the bus is great. Plus I'm reducing my carbon footprint, thanks for the tip Al.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007



I don't normally worry about getting "jacked" or shot for wearing the wrong colors here in State College, but after watching this video, I'm going to have to reconsider.

These white girls have obviously spent some hard time behind bars. Obviously they've been living a rough life. It's really a shame they've had to join gangs.

They probably have "Thug Life" tattooed across their stomachs. Scary stuff huh?

Although, I've been known to through up a "Bloods" sign from time to time.

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Borat?! Not So Much


I don't go out to the movies that much. Paying $7 for a ticket, then $5 for a thimble of soda and another $8 for popcorn covered in artery clogging butter is not my idea of a good time. Plus, having to get to the theater early to get a good seat, waiting through the commercials and previews and all the ignorant people talking ... there's got to be a better way.

So, although I had heard only good things about Borat when it was in theaters, I never actually went to see it. Plus, I kept getting the feeling that my girlfriend didn't find it the least bit funny, so I figured I'd wait for DVD.

Jump ahead to yesterday, when I sat down to watch what I expected to be a comedic "tour de force." But I have to say I was really disappointed.

I'm a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen. I think Da Ali G Show is hillarious, and the fact that he is able to show the true nature of many people as homophobic, racist, and just generally bumbling fools is in my opinion brilliant. Calling Andy Rooney a "racialist" ... genius!

But I didn't think that Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan even lived up to any of the past sketches I've seen from Da Ali G Show.

Some people will say that I'm not impressed by much. And to those people I will say ... you're probably right. But when a movie makes $248 Million worldwide, I tend to have high expectations. I mean I assume we're not talking about Wild Hogs here.

It is impressive that Cohen is able to perform as Borat without cracking a smile and making others beleive he is actually Borat, and not someone playing a role. But, much like a skit on Saturday Night Live which is great in it's 2-minute original form but fails as a movie - Borat seems best suited in brief segments. When those segments are surrounded by a flimsy story line, it just falters.

But what do I know. Apparently I hate everything.

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

My prediction


For the past few years, I've been predicting (to the few people who actually listen to me), that Dick Cheney would step down from VP (for health reasons was always my guess) and allow someone else to step in, thereby jumping to the front of the pack for the 2008 GOP nomination.

So, everytime I hear of some health condition effecting him (like deep vein thrombosis), I always think, "here we go, time to insert the 'man who would be president.'"

With all his health conditions and now the fallout of the Libby trial, I think things are shaping up for a Cheney withdrawl. In my daily read of The Huffington Post, I see that Ari Emanuel shares my feelings. But he's thinking that Cheney's replacement will be Condoleezza Rice. Now, I think that's a stretch.

Personally I think it's going to be hard for Hillary Clinton to even get the Democratic Nomination, but for Condoleezza, I think it would actually be even harder. That's not to say she's not qualified, in fact, she's probably more qualified than Bush was when he started running - ok, maybe that's a bad example.

Anyway, I say, in the next few months, look for Dick to step down and watch the rise of someone who has been very close to the Bush Administration. I don't think it will be any of the people that we see already running, so that means McCain, Romney and the rest are out of it. I guess that means Rice has a good shot. But if the Bush administration and the NeoCons want to maintain control, I think its safe to see them put one of their own in there.

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Monday, March 05, 2007

A "Dear Al" letter


Dear Al,

It’s been a crazy seven years, huh? Can you really believe it’s been that long? Well, we’ve been keeping busy. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but things with George haven’t gone that well.

We actually haven’t been doing too great since last time we saw each other back in 2000. For one thing, we got into some fights with these guys over in the middle-east – it’s kind of a long story.

So how have you been? We heard you’ve been keeping busy teaching and with that movie and everything – that’s great. And winning an Academy Award, we’re so impressed, Mr. Hollywood.
We saw you on TV at the Oscar’s and you look like you put on a little weight – it looks good on you. Well, maybe you should lose a few pounds, but we’re not judging. We always thought you looked good, especially compared to Bill (plus we are the fattest country on Earth, so I guess it’s expected).

Anyway, we just wanted to write and see if there was any way we could convince you to come back to us and run for president in 2008. We know it hurt in 2000 when you lost to George and we’re really sorry. But please, give us another chance. That whole thing was a fiasco and it really turned out wrong for both of us.

You know you’re the one we always wanted to be our president, Al. Sure, George was the guy we wanted to go have a beer with, but honestly he means nothing to us. You have to believe that now (his approval rating is around 30 percent after all).

Besides, that whole thing is really the Supreme Court’s fault, we really did pick you. If it wasn’t for that damn Electoral College we would have been together. After all, you did get about a half-million more votes than George in 2000. But if you just give us another chance we can prove that we really do belong together.

I know it looks like we’ve been flirting with Hillary and Newt and Barack and Rudy and the Johns and Mitt and … well, you get the point. But honestly Al we don’t really even like them that much, but they keep coming around. I mean what are we supposed to do, be rude and tell them to get lost? But, if you just tell us you’re running, we’ll forget about everyone else, we swear.

Remember when you would tell us about your plans to save social security with a lock box? Those were good times. George tried something like that but it didn’t work very well.

You’ve always been ahead of the curve Al. Even before you got all popular with your movie, you were trying to tell us all about global warming and how we could prevent it. OK, so maybe we took that whole “I invented the internet” quote out of context, but looking back on everything now, it looks like you’ve been a pioneer on a lot of issues.

You were even right about the Iraq war, all the way back in 2002. You were one of the few people to come out against it right away. After going through Kosovo and Bosnia with Bill, I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to put our troops in harms way at the drop of a hat. It took courage to speak out against the war when George and Dick had pretty much sold everyone on it. We could really use someone like that now.

Plus you’re one of the most qualified people for the job. George went around the world and tried to make friends with all our neighbors, but they really never liked him. They act all nice to his face, but you can just tell, behind his back they’re saying, “What an idiot!”

But you already have some great relationship[s with these people. It seemed like the whole world loved you and Bill (well, besides Newt Gingrich and his buddies). We really need someone who can mend the broken fences and let the neighborhood know that we’re really not that bad.

George once told us, “Fool me once, shame on, shame on you, fool me, can’t get fooled again.”
Well a lot of us did get fooled and we picked George again in 2004. But really, John never captured our heart that year. We really just couldn’t get behind him. I mean people called you stiff? Have they met John Kerry?

Some people have said that you’re doing more good for the country and the world by being in the private sector and doing things like the global warming movie. But come on, you know the real power to change things is when your sitting in the White House. And you have to admit, that presidential seal would look good on you.

So please Al, just give us another chance. We really need you now, and we promise, this time things will be different than 2000.

Love,
America


P.S.

This time, can you just stay away from that Lieberman guy, he kind of creeps us out.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

America's Next Top Somewhat Famous Girl That Has Her Picture Taken


I'll be the first to admit that I watch way too much TV. But, amazingly, I don't think it really interferes with my life, other than the fact that I'm home Friday and Saturday nights.


My girlfriend is kind enough to allow me to basically watch whatever I want without complaint, until the 8th consecutive hour of sports or news, at which point she goes off. Even if she doesn't like the same shows as me in the beginning, she ends up being a fan at some point. Although, her yell of, "I hate this show," at the end of Lost each week makes me wonder.


But I digress. So last night as I was waiting for 10pm and the latest installment of Lost, I sat with said girlfriend as she watched the 2-hour season premiere of "America's Next Top Model," which featured not 1, but 2 "plus-sized" models and what appears to be a mail-order Russian Bride.


I've never really sat down to watch Tyra (who has a dolphin phobia by the way) and her "American-Idol-For-Somewhat-Attractive-Women" show, but I have seen bits and pieces over the years. But, apparently this is season 8 of the show, ooops, I mean "Cycle" 8.


But here's my issue (ok, 1 of my issues): over the 8 "cycles" of this show, has any of these models become famous in any way besides the girl who married Peter Brady? Here are some names for you, ever heard of any of them?

Adrianne Curry (the one that married Peter Brady)?








No? Yea didn't think so. How can a show that is suppost to find talent, have 8 seasons, I mean cycles, and not produce 1 "top model."


Well, it does give Tyra plenty of people to put on that horrible talk show of hers.

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

"I am special, I am special. Look at me."


Yesterday, a group of five psychologists released a study saying today's college students are more narcissistic than previous generations.
It took five psychologists to figure that out?!
A couple weeks ago, I suggested that we have a "no cell phone" day today. Well, I've already seen (and heard) plenty of people on their cell-phones today. Obviously I have no sway with anyone. But, isn't this just one of the examples I was refering to when I was trying to point out the narcissism I see among people.
Then again, I have my picture in The Daily Collegian every week, and I'm writing in my own blog here, so who am I to talk?

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