Thursday, March 29, 2007

Karl Rove get The Gas Face



So last night in Washington, they held the Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner where apparently the administration feels the need to make fools of themselves. Well, intentionally make fools of themselves, as opposed to the normal day-to-day tomfoolery. This is of course, not to be confused with the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner where Stephen Colbert roasted Bush last year. The whole thing begs the question, don't these people know this is being taped?

Someone apparently thought it would be good to bring the "stars" of ABC's "hit show" Who's Line is it Anyway to the dinner to wow the crowd. They brought various movers and shakers from the political and journalistic world onto the stage, no doubt to allow them to humiliate themselves. One of the lucky ones was Karl Rove, who will no doubt be a contestant on the next season of VH1's "The White Rapper Show."

According to the Washington Post's Mary Ann Akers, when asked by the improvers about what he does in his spare time, Rove answered, "Tear the tops off of small animals." Wow, wonder if that's in his eHarmony profile?

Also, check out the JibJab "What We Call News" video that they showed. It's just about spot on.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A-ha hush that fuss, "Everybody move to the back of the bus!"


I'm not sure where Penn State's University Park campus rates in terms of campus size, but with over 42,000 students, it's certainly the largest campus I've ever been on. As someone who lives a little off campus, I'm one of the unfortunate people who has to park in the "commuter lot," out by the stadium, and take one of the free "Loops" onto campus. So, I probably ride the bus 3-4 times a day Monday thru Friday, which makes me privy to some interesting bus riding habits of people.

One of the first, and most obvious things I have observed is the laziness of most of the people who ride the bus. For me, a walk from the commuter lot to my first class is about a 20-30 minute ride. While there's no doubt I could use the exercise, I'm not going to walk that far, especially during the winter. But, one of the stops the Loop makes after picking me up is East Halls, home to most of the Freshmen on campus. Here the bus swells to standing room only conditions, as people squeeze in like sardines. The thing that bothers me most about this is about 90% of the people who get on the bus at East Halls end up getting off at the next stop, which would be about a five minute walk - obviously this is a large contributor to that Freshman 15 you always hear about.

Another thing that I have picked up on is the way people decide where to, and where not to sit. A lot of times, when you get on the bus, where to sit isn't even an option as you grab the nearest hand rail and just hold on. But there have been numerous time that I have been sitting in a seat with the one next to me wide open, and I have seen people choose to stand instead of sitting next to me. Now, I'm certainly not going to be mistaken for a model any time soon, but what's the deal with that? Do I smell that bad? I mean I have a girlfriend, so I can't be that disgusting.

But in the instance that you do have someone sitting next to you, what's the proper etiquitte to determine when to leave that seat. For example, yesterday I was sitting next to a girl when I first got on the crowded Blue Loop. After a couple of stops the majority of people had left the bus, leaving a number of open seats, but is it ok to then get up and move? Doesn't this insult the person you were just sitting next to? "Excuse me, I know I was just sitting next to you, but that's only because my legs wouldn't allow me to stand. Now, I'm getting away from you, psycho."

But besides the loud cell phone conversations, smacking of gum in my ear, body odor and cramping, riding the bus is great. Plus I'm reducing my carbon footprint, thanks for the tip Al.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007



I don't normally worry about getting "jacked" or shot for wearing the wrong colors here in State College, but after watching this video, I'm going to have to reconsider.

These white girls have obviously spent some hard time behind bars. Obviously they've been living a rough life. It's really a shame they've had to join gangs.

They probably have "Thug Life" tattooed across their stomachs. Scary stuff huh?

Although, I've been known to through up a "Bloods" sign from time to time.

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Borat?! Not So Much


I don't go out to the movies that much. Paying $7 for a ticket, then $5 for a thimble of soda and another $8 for popcorn covered in artery clogging butter is not my idea of a good time. Plus, having to get to the theater early to get a good seat, waiting through the commercials and previews and all the ignorant people talking ... there's got to be a better way.

So, although I had heard only good things about Borat when it was in theaters, I never actually went to see it. Plus, I kept getting the feeling that my girlfriend didn't find it the least bit funny, so I figured I'd wait for DVD.

Jump ahead to yesterday, when I sat down to watch what I expected to be a comedic "tour de force." But I have to say I was really disappointed.

I'm a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen. I think Da Ali G Show is hillarious, and the fact that he is able to show the true nature of many people as homophobic, racist, and just generally bumbling fools is in my opinion brilliant. Calling Andy Rooney a "racialist" ... genius!

But I didn't think that Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan even lived up to any of the past sketches I've seen from Da Ali G Show.

Some people will say that I'm not impressed by much. And to those people I will say ... you're probably right. But when a movie makes $248 Million worldwide, I tend to have high expectations. I mean I assume we're not talking about Wild Hogs here.

It is impressive that Cohen is able to perform as Borat without cracking a smile and making others beleive he is actually Borat, and not someone playing a role. But, much like a skit on Saturday Night Live which is great in it's 2-minute original form but fails as a movie - Borat seems best suited in brief segments. When those segments are surrounded by a flimsy story line, it just falters.

But what do I know. Apparently I hate everything.

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

My prediction


For the past few years, I've been predicting (to the few people who actually listen to me), that Dick Cheney would step down from VP (for health reasons was always my guess) and allow someone else to step in, thereby jumping to the front of the pack for the 2008 GOP nomination.

So, everytime I hear of some health condition effecting him (like deep vein thrombosis), I always think, "here we go, time to insert the 'man who would be president.'"

With all his health conditions and now the fallout of the Libby trial, I think things are shaping up for a Cheney withdrawl. In my daily read of The Huffington Post, I see that Ari Emanuel shares my feelings. But he's thinking that Cheney's replacement will be Condoleezza Rice. Now, I think that's a stretch.

Personally I think it's going to be hard for Hillary Clinton to even get the Democratic Nomination, but for Condoleezza, I think it would actually be even harder. That's not to say she's not qualified, in fact, she's probably more qualified than Bush was when he started running - ok, maybe that's a bad example.

Anyway, I say, in the next few months, look for Dick to step down and watch the rise of someone who has been very close to the Bush Administration. I don't think it will be any of the people that we see already running, so that means McCain, Romney and the rest are out of it. I guess that means Rice has a good shot. But if the Bush administration and the NeoCons want to maintain control, I think its safe to see them put one of their own in there.

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Monday, March 05, 2007

A "Dear Al" letter


Dear Al,

It’s been a crazy seven years, huh? Can you really believe it’s been that long? Well, we’ve been keeping busy. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but things with George haven’t gone that well.

We actually haven’t been doing too great since last time we saw each other back in 2000. For one thing, we got into some fights with these guys over in the middle-east – it’s kind of a long story.

So how have you been? We heard you’ve been keeping busy teaching and with that movie and everything – that’s great. And winning an Academy Award, we’re so impressed, Mr. Hollywood.
We saw you on TV at the Oscar’s and you look like you put on a little weight – it looks good on you. Well, maybe you should lose a few pounds, but we’re not judging. We always thought you looked good, especially compared to Bill (plus we are the fattest country on Earth, so I guess it’s expected).

Anyway, we just wanted to write and see if there was any way we could convince you to come back to us and run for president in 2008. We know it hurt in 2000 when you lost to George and we’re really sorry. But please, give us another chance. That whole thing was a fiasco and it really turned out wrong for both of us.

You know you’re the one we always wanted to be our president, Al. Sure, George was the guy we wanted to go have a beer with, but honestly he means nothing to us. You have to believe that now (his approval rating is around 30 percent after all).

Besides, that whole thing is really the Supreme Court’s fault, we really did pick you. If it wasn’t for that damn Electoral College we would have been together. After all, you did get about a half-million more votes than George in 2000. But if you just give us another chance we can prove that we really do belong together.

I know it looks like we’ve been flirting with Hillary and Newt and Barack and Rudy and the Johns and Mitt and … well, you get the point. But honestly Al we don’t really even like them that much, but they keep coming around. I mean what are we supposed to do, be rude and tell them to get lost? But, if you just tell us you’re running, we’ll forget about everyone else, we swear.

Remember when you would tell us about your plans to save social security with a lock box? Those were good times. George tried something like that but it didn’t work very well.

You’ve always been ahead of the curve Al. Even before you got all popular with your movie, you were trying to tell us all about global warming and how we could prevent it. OK, so maybe we took that whole “I invented the internet” quote out of context, but looking back on everything now, it looks like you’ve been a pioneer on a lot of issues.

You were even right about the Iraq war, all the way back in 2002. You were one of the few people to come out against it right away. After going through Kosovo and Bosnia with Bill, I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to put our troops in harms way at the drop of a hat. It took courage to speak out against the war when George and Dick had pretty much sold everyone on it. We could really use someone like that now.

Plus you’re one of the most qualified people for the job. George went around the world and tried to make friends with all our neighbors, but they really never liked him. They act all nice to his face, but you can just tell, behind his back they’re saying, “What an idiot!”

But you already have some great relationship[s with these people. It seemed like the whole world loved you and Bill (well, besides Newt Gingrich and his buddies). We really need someone who can mend the broken fences and let the neighborhood know that we’re really not that bad.

George once told us, “Fool me once, shame on, shame on you, fool me, can’t get fooled again.”
Well a lot of us did get fooled and we picked George again in 2004. But really, John never captured our heart that year. We really just couldn’t get behind him. I mean people called you stiff? Have they met John Kerry?

Some people have said that you’re doing more good for the country and the world by being in the private sector and doing things like the global warming movie. But come on, you know the real power to change things is when your sitting in the White House. And you have to admit, that presidential seal would look good on you.

So please Al, just give us another chance. We really need you now, and we promise, this time things will be different than 2000.

Love,
America


P.S.

This time, can you just stay away from that Lieberman guy, he kind of creeps us out.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

America's Next Top Somewhat Famous Girl That Has Her Picture Taken


I'll be the first to admit that I watch way too much TV. But, amazingly, I don't think it really interferes with my life, other than the fact that I'm home Friday and Saturday nights.


My girlfriend is kind enough to allow me to basically watch whatever I want without complaint, until the 8th consecutive hour of sports or news, at which point she goes off. Even if she doesn't like the same shows as me in the beginning, she ends up being a fan at some point. Although, her yell of, "I hate this show," at the end of Lost each week makes me wonder.


But I digress. So last night as I was waiting for 10pm and the latest installment of Lost, I sat with said girlfriend as she watched the 2-hour season premiere of "America's Next Top Model," which featured not 1, but 2 "plus-sized" models and what appears to be a mail-order Russian Bride.


I've never really sat down to watch Tyra (who has a dolphin phobia by the way) and her "American-Idol-For-Somewhat-Attractive-Women" show, but I have seen bits and pieces over the years. But, apparently this is season 8 of the show, ooops, I mean "Cycle" 8.


But here's my issue (ok, 1 of my issues): over the 8 "cycles" of this show, has any of these models become famous in any way besides the girl who married Peter Brady? Here are some names for you, ever heard of any of them?

Adrianne Curry (the one that married Peter Brady)?








No? Yea didn't think so. How can a show that is suppost to find talent, have 8 seasons, I mean cycles, and not produce 1 "top model."


Well, it does give Tyra plenty of people to put on that horrible talk show of hers.

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